I have demons in me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
