i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
