She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
