he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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