If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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