You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
