hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
