Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
