pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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