So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
