worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
