please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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