im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
