mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sober January is a disaster.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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