when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
