This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
