this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
