i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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