You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
