I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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