3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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