great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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