It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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