Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
