The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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