I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
