I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ok first of all what the fuck
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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