i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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