Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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