you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how drunk are you?
Several
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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