Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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