i permit you to call me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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