if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
