The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
