I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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