life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
