note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
