Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
