his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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