for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
