Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
