I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
