I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
