I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
