My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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