You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
