Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
