The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
