Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
