People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
