Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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