You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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